A Big, Hearty Hello to my Prefrontal Cortex
Some thoughts on turning 25 and growing up
Yesterday was my 25th birthday. It was a delightfully relaxing day—I took PTO, went to a fancy hotel near my house and laid out by the pool. One of my favorite things in the world is hotel lazy rivers, so my sister and I grabbed inner tubes and floated down the lazy river a bunch of times, then went down one of those tandem water slides together. It was perfect and I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate having lived a quarter of a century.
This morning, when I returned to work, one of my coworkers asked me how old I’d turned. I told him, and he replied, “You can rent a car now!” and I said, “Yeah, because apparently my brain is fully developed now.”
Urban legend has it that the prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that regulates our thoughts, actions, and emotions, is fully developed at age 25. This knowledge has become somewhat of an internet meme these days—people having a hard time believing that there’s no way this brain can truly be brain at its most developed.
In the months leading up to my 25th birthday, I made a few jokes on my Instagram stories about my prefrontal cortex’s imminent arrival. My friend, Emily, and I texted about it: I began to notice, in those few months, my brain having sudden moments of self-actualization where realities that once seemed impossible for me to grasp just started… clicking into place. It was like a slow, three-month-long curtain reveal of maturity. And yesterday, the red, velvety fabric fully parted, revealing, in all its glory, a brain completely developed.
Now, of course, our brain will continue to grow and develop and change past 25, but there is, truthfully, something so scary about being 25. I feel like I should be responsible for a whole lot more than I actually am. I feel like I should’ve accomplished a whole lot more than I actually have. 22, 23, and 24 sound like the ages of people who aren’t fully responsible for any wrongdoings, because, well, they’re still in their early twenties. They’re still figuring it out, learning the ropes of life.
But 25 sounds so much more high-stakes. So much more responsible. So much more “I’m one year away from being off of my parents’ health insurance, please help me.” 25 sounds like car payments and phone bills and paying rent and finally learning to make principled, nuanced decisions for yourself and your wellbeing.
24 hours into 25, and I’ve been reflecting on all the things I wish I could’ve told myself, pre-prefrontal cortex. Now, I’m saying this and knowing that I generally don’t like hearing or taking reasonable advice from adults with much more developed prefrontal cortexes than my own, but assuming that if an older version of myself had appeared, I probably would’ve listened to her.
Leading into this momentous occasion, I decided to write down things that I’d like to tell my younger self if I could visit her in my current form—newly enlightened, forever memorialized:
The things you’re most afraid of will happen, and you will come out even better for their having happened.
The weird thing about suffering is that, before it happens, you imagine that you will spend all day in bed crying, inconsolable. But while you’re enduring it, you will have no choice but to go on with your daily life—go grocery shopping, do school, go to work.
You will miss every version of yourself that you currently aren’t.
Learning to be proactive about everything—your needs, your desires, your dreams, your health, your finances—is truly the most important lesson you’ll learn in your twenties.
Appreciate the beauty of the country you call home as much as you can, whenever you can.
You are so cute. I look back at myself at 18, 19, 20, 21 and wonder why I was so hard on myself all the time. I was so dang cute and I didn’t tell myself enough.
A friend who makes you feel small is really not a friend at all.
The Holy Spirit doesn’t deal in shame. This emotion only comes from others making us feel this way. Don’t mistake this heavy burden for conviction—remember, His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
Don’t partake in gossip. It feels so good while you’re doing it but so bad when it comes to a head. It will never be worth it.
You have a stronger sense of self than you give yourself credit for. Lean into your loves, stand firm in them, and don’t be swayed by what others around you make you think is right.
Make every effort to be accommodating to others within reason. Boundaries are so important, and learning how to utilize them effectively will be such a skill in early adulthood.
Take joy in the things you can control. If something inconsequentially hard or sad happens, and it’s out of your hands, don’t let it crush you. If something joyful happens and you didn’t plan it, revel in that joy for as long as possible.
Try not to fill every crevice of your day with an activity. And in the times you’re not busy, put your phone in a different room and just write.
Put others at ease by paying attention.
It has never been, nor it will ever be, all about you, and praise God for that.
I could go on, but I won’t. After 25 years, I’m just thankful for another year to worship and glorify God. I’m thankful for life on this broken planet and for another chance to find the beauty within it. I pray that he will grant me (and my newly minted prefrontal cortex) many more years of doing so.
As a parting gift, instead of my typical closing Reading/Listening/Sharing, here are my favorite discoveries from being 24:
A renewed adoration for seeing movies the good old-fashioned way: in a dark theater with a bucketful of buttery popcorn. (Thanks for this, Barbenheimer!)
Discovering, after years of hating on them, that I actually love audiobooks. (Libby gets me through it all).
Taking day trips to some of the most obscure little towns with the people you love is more fun—and budget-friendly—than it has any right to be. (Looking at you, Jackson, MS, Columbia, SC, and Augusta, GA!)
Miami Slice’s pizza
Playing the New York Times’s daily word games gets me through that post-lunch slump (it’s my 20-minute siesta)
Dip nails are actually so much better than gel nails
Reddit is one of the world’s most useful tools for answering those burning, complex questions that need a more human touch than the artificial intelligence of Google
Renting clothes from Nuuly is the answer to 98% of my wardrobe problems
This makeup product is hands-down the best thing I’ve ever owned
My hair looks so good beach-waved and I wish I’d realized this years ago
Chappell Roan’s music
Substack is truly the best place to grow a platform as a writer, and even better, to engage with a flourishing audience of incredible people whose minds and thoughts and opinions are so varied and gorgeous—this is the best work I do, and my favorite part of every week. I look forward to it every week—let’s keep it going, shall we? ;)